


Not Enough Forever

by big_bald



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Bittersweet, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Emotional, F/F, F/M, Gen, POV Multiple, Sad, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/big_bald/pseuds/big_bald
Summary: When you've won the biggest fight of your lives, you can breathe. You have the chance to be who you want to be, and do what you want to do. Everything is great, and you have nothing but time on your hands.Until you don't.Horde Prime has been defeated and a few months have gone by. What happens after? What happens when a planet has to handle an army of clones that was once set on their destruction? What happens when heroes fall?
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	Not Enough Forever

After every battle, every fight, every time our backs were up against the wall against odds so impossible that they defied believability it seems unthinkable that it could have ended like this. We faced down a galactic empire run by an immortal despot intent on destroying the universe and we won. Against any and all odds, we won. And this... This is how the greatest hero our world has ever known falls. This is how my best friend falls.

After the Heart of Etheria was gone and the threat of the galactic Horde at an end with the destruction of Horde Prime, we were able to breathe. We had no idea what to do, but at least we had something we’d never really known. The luxury of time. There was so much to do. So much to fix. But we weren’t alone and we didn’t have to do it all. We could take time and just let the victory set in. Glimmer had so much self inflicted pressure on her to step back into the role of Queen, but with her dad back, it wasn’t a burden she had to bear alone. King Micah was insistent that Glimmer have the chance to rest. To let her have the time to just be. With the two of us trying to puzzle out what exactly that meant for our relationship, it was certainly welcome. On the surface, it meant hanging out and laughing, like always. Just with a little more kissing.

On that front, we had nothing on Adora and Catra. They spent more time sneaking away for alone time than you would have thought possible. They had a lot of lost moments to make up for. Catra still wasn’t super comfortable around people that weren’t Adora, but things were at least good. We hung out. We laughed. We had a few parties. We lived the lives we should have been living if it weren’t for the spectre of war that had loomed over us for way too long. It was so much fun.

But it didn’t last.

After the final battle with Horde Prime, it was impossible to figure out what to do with all of the Clones. They were lost and confused. By and large, efforts were made to try and integrate them into society as best we could. But not all of them felt that this was the way. A group of them fled into the Fright Zone, wanting no part of society, or peace. We were never sure just how many of them there were, but it was enough to be trouble. They christened themselves the Sons of Prime and were led by a particularly cunning clone that had taken to calling himself Horde-Omega. They weren’t an army, they weren’t seeking conquest, they didn’t want to take over anything. They were terrorists. Vicious and cruel, they just wanted to inspire fear and spread suffering. They used tactics designed to inflict pain and death, and sneak away unscathed.

Without warning they struck Thaymor. None of us were prepared, none of us even thought it was a possibility. It had only been a handful of months since we’d won, we thought we had way more time before... Something. When word reached Bright Moon of the attack, we had no idea what was going on. Glimmer teleported the two of us there to investigate. The strike was long over by the time we got there, but what we saw will haunt both of us for the rest of our days. Every villager had been skinned alive and then been bound to a pike in the ground and left to die. The ones that were gone were terrible. The ones that were still alive were even worse. This happened 3 weeks ago. That was the worst day of my life.

Until two days ago.

The Sons of Prime never stopped. They never rested. They kept on the move, and we never knew where they were or where they would strike next. We tried magic and technology, but somehow, they managed to evade detection. Worse, it seemed like more and more clones were joining them. Every day they struck. Sometimes a small target like a lone farm or a small hamlet. Sometimes travellers on the road. But when they did, there were no survivors, and their victims suffered horribly. Horde-Omega possessed a level of cruelty and ferocity that we had never experienced. We weren’t ready. None of us. King Micah tried to assert leadership, but he was out of his element. The Princesses had retreated to their realms to try and keep the peace and protect their people. We were always at our strongest when we were together, and somehow these monsters had split us up faster than I would have thought possible.

Glimmer, Adora, Catra and I were trying to make a plan. Trying to piece together where they would strike next. Trying to figure out how we could put an end to this. We figured our best shot was taking out Horde-Omega. Cut the head off the snake, as it were. But with no clues as to where they were or how they were staying hidden, we did little more than fumble around in the dark. We needn’t have worried though. We didn’t need to find them. They came to us.

Two days ago, we woke up to chaos. People screaming in the streets of Bright Moon, the royal guard in disarray. Blood everywhere. We couldn’t have been less ready for this. The Sons of Prime seemed to be everywhere at once, only to vanish when you cornered them. People I had known my whole life were gutted by assailants that disappeared into the ether. I would have joined them if it hadn’t been for Glimmer teleporting me to safety at the last second, just as a Clone was about to shove his knife into my stomach.

And there was She-Ra. I’m not sure where she came from, but she shone with the purest light I had ever seen. She practically danced, darting through the clones, seemingly able to find them when everyone else could not. She was like fire and fury, unstoppable. Unrelenting. I had seen Adora mad before. I had seen her determined. I had seen her almost possessed by the need to succeed. I had never seen this. She was beautiful and terrifying. She was a machine of war, ready to stop every enemy by any means necessary. All I could do was stare. I was out of arrows, and Glimmer was beyond exhausted, but we stared open mouthed as our best friend in the world took out Clone after Clone. She looked unstoppable. Inevitable.

I don’t think either of us even registered what had happened when her chest exploded in a spray of crimson. It was Glimmer that reacted first, letting out a scream, but I was the one that spotted the shooter. Perched on a roof just across the alleyway, a Clone knelt, holding a large rifle. Cloaked head to toe in black, it made his white face stick out all the more, looking like a sick and twisted skull, smiling way too wide for what his face should have been capable of. With smoke billowing out of the end of his weapon, he held up a hand, almost in a sick and twisted salute, before vanishing into the shadows.

We ran towards our friend as fast as we could, but Catra was all the faster. Her shrieks and cries never ebbing as she reached the side of the woman she loved and cradled her head in her hands. The form of She-Ra had vanished, leaving only the broken body of our dearest friend. I could see Adora’s lips moving, her hands weakly trying to hold onto Catra’s. Even as Glimmer and I closed the distance, I could see the desperation emanating from her. But she was silent by the time we reached her. She was no longer moving. We tried to get close, but Catra snarled and lashed out with her claws keeping us at bay. She wasn’t letting anyone near, but we already knew.

It took what felt like a lifetime of Glimmer coaxing and trying to soothe Catra before she seemed to look up and really see us for the first time. Tears flowed freely down her face, which had an expression of pure despondent sadness, something utterly alien on her normally fierce features. She just whispered the three most haunting words I’d ever heard.

“She couldn’t stay”.

A crowd had started to form around us. I was probably harsher than I should have been yelling at them to stay back, to give us room. Their hero had just died in front of them, and they were in shock. They didn’t mean any harm and they, like us, didn’t know what to do. I was thankful when King Micah showed up and took charge of the scene, ordering his guards to keep people back. With tears flowing freely, he still managed to exude authority. Gently, he asked Glimmer and I to take Catra back to the castle.

Catra, who had stopped making any sounds whatsoever, seemed to be in a trance. She didn’t fight back or offer any resistance. She just let Glimmer and I take her by the hand and lead her away. Looking back, I saw Micah lean over Adora’s still form, rest his hand on her head and whisper something. Looking back, I saw the people of Bright Moon crying, I saw the look of hopelessness on their faces. Looking back I saw a moment of tragedy that was bound to have a rippling effect on the world.

Looking back, I saw my best friend was gone.

\---

The courtyard was packed, not an inch of space was available between people. Everyone that could be there was there. I could tell that it wasn’t a spectacle though. It wasn’t a show that people had to see. They were there because She-Ra meant the world to them. Adora meant the world to them. As much as I would have liked to have been alone, or alone with my friends at least for this, I understood how important this was for everyone. Bow had gently reminded me that this was as much for the kingdom as it was for us. I hate it when he’s right. When dad reminded me of the same thing, it doubly stung.

As I looked out at the audience from the podium, my eyes of course went to Bow first. Sitting in the front row, he was positioned protectively beside Catra, making sure nobody but friends got near. Ever since... It happened... He had taken it as his responsibility to guard her. Which is such a weird thought considering our history, but also weird since Catra is the opposite of a person that needs guarding. But she hadn’t spoken or really done anything since the attack. She just let us lead her around, limp and flexible, eyes glassy and unfocused. If my heart could break any more, just looking at her would do it.

After my eyes connected with Bow’s and seeing his nod of approval, they drifted over the rest of the people in the front rows. My friends. Our friends. Adora’s friends. None of their faces were dry. From an openly bawling Scorpia, clutching tightly at Perfuma, to an oddly stoic Sea Hawk, who had wrapped his arms around a distraught Mermista. Even Entrapta was using her prehensile hair to wipe away tear after tear.

And then there was Horsie. Standing in a section by himself in front. His eyes filled with some hint of comprehension, but no longer able to express things. I’m not sure how much he really understood, but he radiated sadness. After Adora’s passing, the magic that had transformed him into Swift Wind seemed to have dissipated, returning him to his original form. I like to believe that he knew what happened, that he could miss Adora. Miss She-Ra. Miss the skies. I’d make sure he was well cared for regardless, but I couldn’t help but feel that I had lost another friend.

The crowd had settled a bit, which I took for my cue. I never in a million years thought that I would be giving the eulogy for my best friend. But if there was one responsibility worth owning, it was this. She deserved so much more.

I stepped forward to the podium and waited a second. People may have thought that I was waiting for quiet, or taking a moment to gather my thoughts. But really, I just tried to take a second and wish that I was nothing more than a kid and I didn’t have to do this. To wish that everything was okay. That Adora was just asleep and everything would be back to normal. That magic would swoop in at the last second and save the day, like always.

It didn’t, and deep down I knew it wouldn’t.

“My friends.”

I didn’t recognize my own voice. Bow would joke that there was my Glimmer voice and my Queen voice. Truth be told, he was right. But this was neither of those. This was a raw, hurt and broken voice. It was all I had. All I could give.

“I spent the last day trying to find the words for this. Trying to find what to say. The right things to say. To make things better, to spread hope, to fix the damage. The right words...”

I had to stop, my voice shaking. I looked at Bow and saw his eyes as hard as steel, but the look he gave me was soft. Comforting. A slight nod.

“...to honour a friend. To honour Adora. To celebrate She-Ra.”

For the first time, I looked at the casket that held her. I looked at the open top, at the beautiful face of my friend. Peace etched across her features. As always, Adora gave me strength.

“I couldn’t. I couldn’t think of anything that can make this better. That can lessen the hurt we all feel. That makes any of this less terrible. I wish I could, but I’m just not able.”

I lifted a hand and gestured towards the casket.

“But Adora did. When I lost my mom, Queen Angella, I was devastated. I was a wreck. Nobody could help, nobody could fix it. I was lost and I felt like I was alone. Of course, I wasn’t, but in that moment, I felt like a tiny pebble all alone on a wide empty beach. Adora though, Adora had a way of putting things. She-Ra was only a part of her magic, the other part was knowing how to make her friends feel better. I’d like to share with all of you, what she shared with me.”

Breathe. Breathe.

“She said that we must be strong. That we must be brave. That together, we could find every bit of strength that we have and never let it go. We were in the fight of our lives, but we were on the edge of greatness. That so long as we were together we could turn the darkness into light.”

Remembering, I couldn’t help but smile. Adora was great at motivational speeches. She was great and making things better.

“Adora held me as I felt nothing but doubt and loss, and reminded me that we are warriors. That we’re unstoppable. That even when we can feel the evil coming and shadows all around, and even when danger surrounds us...”

Breathe.

“... She was right there beside me. Ready to fight. And she was. And she did.”

Looking across the crowd, I hoped that I was doing Adora justice. She deserved so much more. She deserved the perfect... Something. But no matter how hard I tried, there just weren’t any words I could think up that wrapped up who Adora was. She was amazing.

“What I know is that Adora was always the one giving. She was-”

The explosions that rang out across the back of the courtyard cut off what I was trying to say. The screams and panic that then ensued made anything else I could include rather moot. Everyone was running, trampling one another. I could smell sulphur in the air, tinged with blood. Debris littered the ground, and I froze. It took me only a second to recover. To understand what was happening. To know that the Sons of Prime were destroying the funeral of my best friend. To know that taking her once wasn’t enough. To know that they didn’t just want to cause hopelessness and despair, but they wanted to utterly break us. Somehow, again, we weren’t ready.

My friends, to their credit, jumped to action. They focused on getting people to safety, even as the Clones started appearing, wielding their daggers and slicing through throngs of people. Once again, they were using chaos as a finely tuned instrument. I could see bolts of lightning, magical nets, growing plants and spouts of water fly, letting me know that the fight was underway. I scanned the room, looking to see what I could do to help, my eyes immediately shooting to Bow. He naturally hadn’t brought his weapons, so he was at a disadvantage when the Clone appeared out of nowhere.

In a second I had teleported to his and Catra’s side, grabbed them, and teleported back to the stage. The scene around us was horrific. It was impossible to tell what had done the most damage, the bombs, the knives, or the people trampling one another to escape. 

Along the back row I saw a dark figure emerge from the shadows. Dressed all in black, he seemed to take particular delight in cutting down the people around him. I could feel the malevolence roll off of him. I knew he who was at a glance. I knew what he has after. I knew that he had sought to crush our spirits completely. That this act of brutality, this sacrilege was designed to show us how broken and vulnerable we were.

I grabbed Bow and Catra by the arms to teleport us to a safer spot, when suddenly Catra pulled away. The strength behind the movement taking me completely by surprise. Looking at her, I saw that the blank expression was gone. Instead there was a look of grim determination, coupled with... the tinniest hint of a smile?

“Get as many people out of here that you can.” She told me, her voice filled with certainty.

Before I could object, she held out her hand in front of her. It was a bizarre gesture, but then, a brilliant flash of light took me by surprise. Our eyes locked, and her smile turned sad. She then said the last thing I had ever expected her to say.

\---

Time is a funny thing. You think you have so much of it. You think that it’s this infinite amount of forever that just rolls out along as you take step after step. You look back at it, and can pinpoint all of the mistakes, and when you’re me there are a lot of those, that you can look back and see every moment where you just chose the wrong path. Every single time that, when you were given so many options, you took the one that was easiest. Or the one that made you feel better, Made you feel like you could show them. Show them that you aren’t hurt. That you can hurt them back. That you’re better off. That you’re not scared. That you’re just as good. That you are better. Show them everything. But really, it’s all just a lie. The same lie that you tell yourself. That you don’t care. When the reality is that you care too much and you just have no idea how to handle it. You can look back and see all of these points in time when you were stupid, and hurtful, and you made the wrong choice.

Until... You don’t. You make one right choice. And it’s hard. So hard. But you do it and you realize that it feels... Good. And the stupid thing? The next time you have a choice to make, making the right one is jut the smallest bit easier. Then a bit easier. They’re never any less scary. My luck isn’t that good, but making the choice is somehow less cloudy. Being less angry. Letting go of all the hurt, a bit at a time. Realizing that maybe, just maybe you aren’t alone. That maybe you spent so much time convincing yourself that you didn’t care if they didn’t care was just another part of that same lie. Until you decide to make that one. Last. Choice. The biggest one. The one where you admit it all. No, not to her. That part was actually easier. When you admit it to yourself. That one last time where you have the chance to admit everything inside you to yourself. And it’s a lot. It’s so much. But in that moment. That second, as the hurt falls in and you admit what you feel, admit what you’ve done, and admit what you need, you’re free. You’re free from the chains you put on yourself. It isn’t any easier, but it’s still something great.

And you tell her. And again, time is funny because it’s your last chance. The world may be about to blow up into a million pieces, or maybe it won’t and you’ll never hear her reply. But time stops for a second, along with your heart, and you say it. And you’ve already made peace with the fact that maybe she won’t say it back. Or maybe not like that. Or maybe that she’ll laugh. Or worse. Because you made a choice. And you know it’s the absolute right one. But even still. Time. Just. Stops.

And she says it back.

And it that moment you realize that not only were you right. Now only were you honest, with her and with yourself. But you just spent an eternity in a single moment, and that moment was absolutely everything. And when time and your heart start up again, you realize that you now have all of forever ahead of you.

Until you don’t.

It doesn’t matter whether your eyes are open or closed. You always see the spray of blood. It doesn’t matter if you cover your ears or not. You always hear the deafening boom of the rifle. Whether you are asleep or awake, you can always smell the burning. Smell the blood. You can always feel her hands grabbing at you. Feel them holding, hoping you can save her. Feel them lose strength. Feel when there’s nothing of her left.

Time is a funny thing. Because that moment becomes everything. That moment becomes your now. Because you can’t leave it. You’re almost aware that the world is moving past, and it’s trying to pull you along. People are trying to pull you along. But you can’t escape. That moment has you trapped. The infinite time ahead you of has been reduced to a single point. One heartbeat. And the worst one you’ll ever know. You get stuck, and you don’t even care if you get out.

But then, the world explodes. Or at least that’s what you think is happening. It’s enough to get your attention at least. That and the screams. The man beside you, pulling at your arm. Shouting what you think may be your name. There’s desperation there. You can almost see him. Almost piece together who he is and what he wants. You know it’s important, at least to him. Given the sound of it, it sounds like the world is ending. But that’s impossible. Your world has already ended.

But again, time is a funny thing. Because suddenly I’m just not there.

Everything is gone. The world is quiet. Bow, that’s is name, is nowhere to be seen. There is no chaos. No explosions. No screams. No smell of blood or burned flesh. I’m also not stuck. I can see again without seeing her broken body. I can hear things other than her final whispers. I can see the world. It’s familiar. A massive room covered in glass. No, not glass. Ice? And snow. Beautifully decorated, ornate and filled with all the trapping of a party, just minus the people.

It only takes me a second to remember, though I’d only been there the one time. The land of Snows. The Princess Prom. 

“Hey Catra.”

The voice comes from just behind me. Of course I know it. It can’t be, but of course I know it. That stupid, beautiful voice. I decide to turn around slowly. Painfully slowly. Just in case she’s not there when I look. But she is.

Time is a funny thing. Because I could spend the rest of it stuck there. In that moment. Looking at Adora in that dress. Her lips have the smallest hint of a smile, but there’s a tentativeness to it. She has her arms held down at her sides, almost like she doesn’t know what to do with them. She’s maybe ten feet away from me, standing there. Beautiful, perfect Adora. My Adora. And if I could spend eternity staring at her like that I would. Because if this is all of the forever we can have, I will gladly take it.

But somehow I know that I can’t. Somehow I know that this won’t be our forever. I want it to be, oh fuck do I want it to be. But I know it can’t. So I say the first thing that pops into my head.

“I always wanted to tell you how beautiful you looked that night. When we danced, when I... held you... I almost whispered it.”

Her smile got bigger and her cheeks reddened. She started to take a step closer but managed to stop herself. I do no such thing and rush forward. Flinging myself at her, I wish I could say that I was surprised when I passed right through her and fell on the other side of her.

“Adora?”

Her smile grew sadder. “No. Well, not really. I’m a... shadow of Adora. The small bit of her that’s tied to Etheria. It’s kind of like when I told you about Mara. I’m here and I’m kind of me, but also kind of not.”

I couldn’t help it. I snorted. “Well that’s super clear”.  
“Catra... I know it’s confusing. And hard. I wish it wasn’t. You have no idea. Even if I’m not everything that Adora was, I still love you. I promise you that. Everything... All of what Adora was can be summed up by that. But Catra, I need you to listen. I need you to understand.”

And she explained. She explained everything. And you know what? Time is a funny thing. Because I have no idea how long she took. I was just happy to stare at her while she did it. I was just happy to look at her, looking so beautiful, hear her voice, and even if it was some weird shade of the woman I loved, just be near her. So she explained, and I listened. Like I never have before. I ate every word up. Because this was the closest thing I could have to a conversation with her, and I had to make a choice. And this time, it was obvious. 

“Do you understand?” She asked, quietly, Sadly.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry Catra. I’m so sorry.”

I flashed her my most mischievous grin. “Hey. Don’t be an idiot.”

She snorted. The most Adora snort that had ever been snorted. She held up her hand in front of her. I could see her brow furrow, concentration etched across her face. I mimicked the gesture, holding up my own hand and stepping forward. Slowly. Tentatively. Until our hands met in the air in front of us, and I could feel her fingers across my own. Intertwining with one another. Gently, I stroked her hand with my thumb as I saw beads of sweat appear on her head.

I couldn’t help it anymore. The tears came. Every ounce of sorrow that was in me just burst out. Every piece if me that I had lost when she died erupted. Sobs wracked my body, everything just flooding out.

“I love you Adora. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Her hand tightened around mine and I could see tears streaming down her face, mixing with the sweat of exhaustion. She smiled at me.

“I love you too Catra. For all of forever. Just remember. Time is a funny thing.”

And the world was chaos once again. I opened my eyes seeing a Clone bearing down on Bow with a knife drawn. Before I could even move an inch, Glimmer was there beside us, grabbing us each by an arm and teleporting us to a stage. Looking over her shoulder I could see a casket. Her casket. I could see Adora’s peaceful face. I could see her laying there, at rest. A rest she had earned a thousand times over.

Glimmer grabbed my arm again and I knew what she was about to do so I pulled away. I could see the surprise on her face, but there wasn’t time to explain.

“Get as many people out of here that you can.” I tried to say it with all the certainty that Adora would have.

Holding my hand in front of me, I concentrated. I felt a pull at the back of my mind. A... something. But I let my consciousness grab it and go along for the ride. It felt strange, but familiar. It felt like her and that’s all that mattered. I felt the light, her light, build. I tried to give Glimmer the most reassuring smile I could, and shouted;

“For the honor, of Greyskull!”

**Author's Note:**

> This story was an attempt at emotional manipulation. To see if I could force an emotional response, first from myself, and then from other readers. By using words, phrases and themes from the show, to try and force a feeling of sadness. It's overly dramatic, saccharine in places, and narratively very simplistic. Essentially the goal is to try and make you cry. I tried to keep it short, working with the theory that for this, less is more. Jumping between three different POVs was meant to ramp up the emotional response each time. Starting with Bow to set the stage, moving to Glimmer to hammer home the theme, and ending with Catra to try and twist the knife a bit more. The very last line is meant to be something of a Hope spot. What is a world with Catra as protector? Is she the hero that Adora is? Does she continue that legacy? Or is she different?
> 
> I struggled with tenses as I shifted characters, never really feeling comfortable telling a story in present or past tense. I also am the worst self editor, so I have to apologize for any errors that may still be present.


End file.
